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Writer's Block: Going boldly [May. 29th, 2011|01:45 pm]
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If you could be any Star Trek character, who would you be, and why?

Submitted By [info]navydavy2001

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Deanna Troi, because it would be interesting to be a real empath, and a telepath with fellow members of my race.
Spock (or any Vulcan, really) because it would be amazing to be a touch telepath and experience life without emotions. And I'd want to experience Pon Farr, for sure.
And, obviously, I'd want to be the captain. Probably Jean-Luc...because he is worldly, well-read, wise, uses weaponry as a last resort (unlike Kirk). I was never a fan of Janeway and Sisko just bores me.
Who else? Q I suppose, since he is basically a god. Alright, I'm done with this exercise. Now I need to go watch Next Gen.
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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2010|12:53 pm]
Something has changed. I'm starting to see beauty in everything.
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(no subject) [Nov. 10th, 2009|04:30 pm]
Optimism is overrated. Feed it to those devoid of intellect, those degenerate beasts. Life is much too short to be...amicable.

I don't care about anything anymore -- I suppose the word "anymore" should be used lightly, as I haven't cared about things for a number of years now.
Lately something very important came to light. I treat people so poorly because they harbor no intrinsic value. They are not special. They are replaceable; transient. It is not difficult for me to disregard someone or make them simply disappear. When I see people walking and moving in droves I do not see people, I see identical blobs of useless flesh. I am very aware that they view me in this regard as well, as an insignificant inchworm, a mere waste of space and skin. So why should we bother showing kindness to those we do not bother to know? Most (american) people are imbeciles, and college kids are the worst. I honestly do not know why most of them bother to attempt to further their education when they are clearly incapable of performing the most remedial of academic tasks. Some people are born to rule, and others simply born to pick up after the wealthy. Nietzsche could not have said it better.

I especially loathe the UCSB and CCS population. I am not going to make this entry private simply because I want someone to cyber stalk me and get offended at reading this. So, if you are reading this, you sniveling little rat, know that CCS is full of pretentious fucks and aimless hippies, L & S is full of drunks, whores and degenerates. I can't say anything about the engineers; I only know of one. So, my anonymous reader, go on festering in this pool of disease-ridden pseudo academia. You are directionless in the keenest sense of the word.

Don't even get me started on Isla Vista, this absolute sham of a city. This is a slum. It is repulsive in every way. Do you think I ever wonder why everyone has a cough all the time? Or why there is always day-old vomit mixed with cigarette butts on my porch every weekend? No, of course I do not wonder of these things. I expect no less from the utterly destitute. I absolutely hate living here, and I hate going to school here as well. This is not an enriching environment, no one seems to be half as intelligent as I am. If you think I am arrogant and self-indulgent then you are on the right track, keep it up. Maybe soon you will recognize how ignorant you are, and perhaps shortly after that you will do the planet a favor and kindly perish in an incendiary disaster.
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(no subject) [Dec. 5th, 2008|02:17 pm]
Love is cliche. Rain is cliche. I slashed my fingertip last night and it was invigorating because I had interesting conversations with the Pendola males. However, now, more so than ever, I have literally no respect for them.

...Suddenly I want to write something...
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(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2008|02:00 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |Tori's obnoxious electronica mixtape]

I am so disgruntled right now. Or maybe disgusted. These past two weeks were such sweet hell. I failed my driving test because I followed directions. I don't care. At least I work for the government now (GOBAMA). My family is a total mess. A brilliant mess.

In other news I think I've had the longest weekend of my life. I didn't wake up because I didn't sleep, hopped on a plane that came in an hour late, drove around and bought nonfat creamer with my mom, took a three hour nap, went to Benihana's for an inpromptu birthday party, went to altavista park in the dead of night and stared at the tree where my boyfriend tried to take his own life nearly 3 years ago.

Then I went with company to this sophomore's house (her neighbor later kicked us out), to the gas station to buy cigarettes, and then loafed around in the car for a good 30 minutes before the rest of our company showed up with the sauce. Went back to altavista park, got drunk and had a jolly grand time, got into a squabble over bargaining for a later time only to realize that no one was sober enough to take me home, so I stayed at Tori's house for the night. We both overslept so I didn't get home until one.

I come home to a messy house which only mirrors my inner turmoil and discontent. No clothes are washed, I still haven't unpacked from my trip to MD, my head hurts and I have too much work to do. I'm graduating on Friday and because my dad is a prick I might have to give up my first year of college to work because we have no money to pay tuition -- even with a generous amount of financial aid. Fucking hell.

If I had known that, I'd have deferred my application to Sarah Lawrence. Worst case scenario, I work for my aunt's firm out here, editing more government documents. Not cool. Not college. This is not what I wanted. I also don't need 10 family members to come to LA for no reason except to further complicate my life. My home is too small when we have a fucking chinchilla in it, how the bloody hell are we going to accommodate 10 people -- the majority of whom we don't even like? I don't want to see them. Since when do they care about me anyway? I'm already the one whose fucked up the family "legacy." And now they can be even more proud because not only did I NOT get into an Ivy Leaguer, but I might NOT even go to college this year. Well, wow.

Somehow I always knew this would happen to me.
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just to say it [Jan. 15th, 2008|08:05 pm]
MY COMPUTER LIVES

!!!!! 
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This is not good. Not at all. [Oct. 11th, 2007|10:08 pm]
[music |evolution - hamasaki ayumi]

I HATE MY COMPUTER
I HATE THE THE SOUL OF MY COMPUTER

i hate the way you are all so fake
all of you so fake
so unreal it fills me to the brim with disgust, your ignorance i find atrocious and i wish it would leave
I HATE ALL OF YOU
LIARS
AND FAKES


even though i know i'm not any better--YOU ARE ALL DIGITAL, SO WHY LIE?
i have never wronged you. i have never...lied.
AND I CAN'T FOCUS NOW BECAUSE I WON'T DO THIS ANYMORE
i won't be conned and used by the likes of you anymore
you are so below me
and you disgust me


and you, YOU...


i simply do not have the words right now.
no, not right now.


LOOK AT THIS, HOW IGNORANT I HAVE BECOME BECAUSE OF THE LIKES OF YOU, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW I LOATHE YOU AND YOU WILL KNOW THE EXTENT OF MY FURY. YOU WILL KNOW IT...

ICHIGO
MIZURU
JACKIE
TOMO
BLUEBERRY

you are no friends of mine.

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Ima doko, Shullamite? [Aug. 21st, 2007|02:09 am]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]
[music |Moonlight Sonata - Ludwig von Beethoven]

I do not know what I am feeling right now.
It is like sadness, like depression, only different. More vivid, and much more alive. Pulsating. Walking with me, tugging at my hand, gently coaxing me into an abyss of cynicism and rag-tag dreams. My sleep is never well. My dreams are malicious. I hate sleeping, I hate waking up, and I hate being awake. I feel purposeless and hollow and empty and un-fullfilled.
Is it because I am?
I feel as though I am having a mid-life crisis. Or, rather, a quarter-life crisis. Wait, no...eighth-life crisis. I have stopped, and now I am looking back. Looking back at everything, my fondest triumphs, my deepest regrets, my uncouth and lustful desires. They take me nowhere. However I have never been the indulgent sort. Avarice was always an ill fit with me.
Am I fated to be unhappy forever?


No. I was happy in New York. Brooklyn. Canarsie. Avenue L. I was not an outcast then. I was not "weird" or "annoying." I was admired. I was envied. Imagine that, a swarm of little middle school aged boys and girls swooning over a pathetic waste of space like me! Can you imagine it, baby, because I can. It is all I think about, all I desire, and all I truly ever dream about.
And then I came here. This dreaded place, of all places. The Angels? Oh no, oh no, I am positive the Duke of York himself would be most displeased with such a title to a city of smoke, smog, and lies. No stars at night? No gunshots piercing my ears at dawn? No cracks in my back porch, no yellowing kitchens, no sleazy refrigerator door romance, no feverish moon-induced exaltation under the faux starlit sky of a 50 dollar limo?
Oh, how I long for my former shattered life! So what if I was incomplete and unaware, so what if I was blissful and innocent?!
Does it not mean more to you that I was happy?
Or that right now I am anything but. Is it so?


I am tired but I cannot sleep.


I cannot begin to describe how much I am dreading the remainder of my life.
WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE, AND BY SAME LOGIC, DOES THAT MAKE ME A GOOD PERSON BECAUSE BAD THINGS CONSTANTLY HAPPEN TO ME?


I wish I was smarter. I wish I had the mathematical capacity to fully comprehend physics, almost as much as I wish someone would explain to me the HH initial state in lay terms. Why am I always so sad? People like me, or they say they do, but why does that affect my life at all?
I won't be an altruist anymore. Here and now, I refuse!


Is it is because I am jealous? Do these people even recognize how jealous I am?
Call it what you want, juvenile, insecure, ignorant, or just plain stupid. I am not in denial. And I never was.
I don't have any escapes anymore. I don't have any excuses, I don't have anywhere to hide now. I am truly destined to come within mere inches of my goal...and let it slip through
not like water
or dirt
or sand
...but like


a i r
traceless, tasteless, and irrevocably immune...
to all.

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FUCK LOVE [Aug. 13th, 2007|03:57 pm]
[music |Pink Killer - Dir en grey]

I have decided that I no longer wish to associate with people who like me. Or rather, people who say they like me. I'm sick of all these PATHETIC people falling for me. Why can't I attract confident people? Or arrogant people? Or people who actually LIKE who they are? Why do I intrigue angsty, crestfallen, anguished teenagers? Children! Immature, juvenile, lovesick children. Not the sort of people I am interesting in having as love interests, and certainly not friends.


All they do is complicate my life, stress me out to no end, and waste my time with their farfetched ramblings about how much they like me. I can't take it anymore. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU LIKE ME AND IF YOU DO THEN YOU SHOULD GET OVER IT BECAUSE I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU!
I seriously can't take it anymore. I can't do this anymore. I won't. I won't contact them anymore, I won't egg them on and let them hit on me, I will no longer give them the benefit of the doubt.


I don't like the attention. I don't like the way you like me. You don't know me, you don't "love me" so FUCK OFF!

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ANIME EXPO FROM TOP TO BOTTOM [Jul. 2nd, 2007|12:43 pm]
[mood |guiltyguilty]
[music |Akai Shita - Sugar]

Just a warning. This is going to be long. 


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